Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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