It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
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