Ambien. No doubt about it.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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