just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
