Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
