My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
They left me at home... I'm a liability
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
