you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
