Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
