If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
