When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
