She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
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