If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
