My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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