Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
