Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
