I need help removing her.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
