I could have mohawked her pubes.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Randomize
