so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
