haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Less talking, more tequila
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
