Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
