I think scott just propositioned me for sex
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
