The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
