Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize