Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
