i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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