I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
