Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
