am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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