She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
