I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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