Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
