I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
