Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
