i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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