holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I believe in your delicious
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
