he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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