If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
