So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
