...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
