How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
