i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
