my soul wont recognize me after tonight
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I think im going to throw up on grandma
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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