we're chasing vodka with high fives
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
pop tarts are not kleenex
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
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