i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
