I need help removing her.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
