and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
