If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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