Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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