so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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