Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
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