You smell like stripper and shame
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
