so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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