im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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