my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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