she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
