My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
