So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize