life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
