Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Randomize
