I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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