I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
