Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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