Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
