Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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